When Technology Attacks

ROCKLAND/ROCKPORT (Nov 1): As an aging Baby Boomer, I’ve always felt that I did a fairly competent job of being technically up to speed. I’ve used a P.D.A. since the 90’s and am pretty much paperless at work. I don’t text message, but what boomer does? I was part of a team that created innline.com in the mid-90’s, arguably the Internet’s first on-line hotel reservation system. While I was the weakest member of that team, the technology is now commonplace worldwide.

But now my technological world seems to be falling apart. It started with my TV. I got a great buy on one three years ago, seven hundred and fifty bucks – a real guy machine. It has a 42” high definition screen is hooked up to a DVR (digital video recorder) and needs two remote controls to operate. The picture is terrific and the ability to record programs prior to being on air was a wonderful thing. I never miss a play during a Patriot’s game and take pleasure doing my own replays on controversial calls.

Then came the black outs. First it was gun shots that did it. If there was a gun fight on a given show, the TV would shut down for about ten seconds on the first flash from the barrel. I put up with it for a while; it was an irregular occurrence. Then it got to the point that I couldn’t watch a war movie because the TV would shut down every couple of minutes. Now just about anything will instigate a shut down – a beat on a drum, a flash from a camera, you name it and it will shut the TV down.

Repairmen weren’t able to figure it out. It was just the something I would have to live with – get over it. That was until last week. “The bases are loaded,” said the announcer, “the count is three and two and Big Pappi is at the plate. The runners will be advancing. And the pitch…” And the damn thing shut down for two minutes. (“Damn” was not the word(s) that came out of me). That was it. Time for a new TV but not, Donna tells me, for a few months or so. The property tax bill is due.

But that wasn’t the end of my technical problems. My home computer decided that it too should have the ability to stop on its own accord. And it does. It locks up over and over until the frustration becomes unbearable. It clicks and flashes all the time, probably commandeered by a terrorist or worse, a spammer using my computer to jam yours. A new computer is needed. To hell with the taxes Donna, I’m going to put it on the card.

I’m not done yet. My handy little Palm Pilot that I take with me everywhere has decided to not cooperate either. It stores the agendas and minutes from every meeting that I’ve attended since 2002. As a chamber director, I attend hundreds of meetings in a year and store hundreds of names in my data base. When I synchronize it to my computer, it now has decided to double up the calendar. So when I enter, say, “Board Meeting”, then synch up, it shows “Board Meeting, Board Meeting”. The next time I synch up it shows “Board Meeting, Board Meeting, Board Meeting, Board Meeting”. The next synch repeats the entry 8 times, then 16, then… Guess it’s time for a new PDA too.

Now my cell phone has developed a mind of its own and is storing voice mails for a few days before allowing me to know that they’re there. To the caller, it would seem that I don’t return my calls, which I generally do. The frustration is building.
A glutton for punishment, I decided that my 2000 Microsoft Office Suite was outdated at work, so I replaced it. While the new 2007 software is slick, if too complicated, I learned how to take advantage of the new technology and began to enjoy using it. The only problem is that I’ve found that when I send an Excel spread or a Word document to the staff or to others, they can’t open the documents because their technology isn’t 2007. That’s not going to work. Now what?
The Technology Gods have apparently aligned against me. It looks to me like all I can do is go into debt and start to replace all this stuff. I am grateful for one thing however. At least I don’t have a pacemaker. –H-